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Literature Text
Sometimes I long to trace my tongue
across the milky sky
and let the clouds drip down my lips
and taste them with a sigh
and bite the sun and all its warmth
and wash it down with rain
and pop the moon between my teeth
and proudly lick the stain
It's this hunger for a heaven
that keeps me drawing near
and reaching up to stir and sip
some holy atmosphere.
But am I starving for a heaven
that's only in my mind,
counting ribs and empty spoonfuls
for something I can't find?
I'll keep yearning for a heaven,
my meal of light and air.
Could I crave it this intensely
if it's not even there?
It's this hunger for a heaven
that keeps me drawing near
and reaching up to stir and sip
some holy atmosphere.
And once I have tasted heaven
If I can keep it down
I'll float above these human veins
And never hit the ground
across the milky sky
and let the clouds drip down my lips
and taste them with a sigh
and bite the sun and all its warmth
and wash it down with rain
and pop the moon between my teeth
and proudly lick the stain
It's this hunger for a heaven
that keeps me drawing near
and reaching up to stir and sip
some holy atmosphere.
But am I starving for a heaven
that's only in my mind,
counting ribs and empty spoonfuls
for something I can't find?
I'll keep yearning for a heaven,
my meal of light and air.
Could I crave it this intensely
if it's not even there?
It's this hunger for a heaven
that keeps me drawing near
and reaching up to stir and sip
some holy atmosphere.
And once I have tasted heaven
If I can keep it down
I'll float above these human veins
And never hit the ground
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Urrgh, I always hate writing poetry because it's so embarrassing. 
Nevertheless, this is my poetry submission for my creative writing class this semester. I usually don't understand poetry, so I don't understand what makes this a good or bad poem, so don't flame me too harshly, please.
Nevertheless, this is my poetry submission for my creative writing class this semester. I usually don't understand poetry, so I don't understand what makes this a good or bad poem, so don't flame me too harshly, please.
© 2010 - 2024 sunni-sideup
Comments34
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I think you did a nice job. Especially with the imagery in the first two stanzas and with the ending.
Two small issues...the last line in the fifth stanza doesn't flow as well. Something about the word "even" seems off to me. I also think "I have" would sound better when read aloud as, "I've" but it's just my opinion.
Anyway, I think this poem is beautiful and emotional without being cliche. It reminded me of how I used to feel when I was younger and before I found a church that taught me how to have a relationship with God. I think that is a mark of a good poem. The fact that it speaks to the reader.
Two small issues...the last line in the fifth stanza doesn't flow as well. Something about the word "even" seems off to me. I also think "I have" would sound better when read aloud as, "I've" but it's just my opinion.
Anyway, I think this poem is beautiful and emotional without being cliche. It reminded me of how I used to feel when I was younger and before I found a church that taught me how to have a relationship with God. I think that is a mark of a good poem. The fact that it speaks to the reader.